Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Pinoy Jokes, Quotes and Pick up Lines



I’ve been reading this pinoy jokes and quotes book and I really found it hilarious. As I am not good in relating a joke story, I think it would be good if I am going to list down the jokes that really made me laugh. I hope you too. We need to laugh once in a while to brush off unhappy thoughts and problems.

This is my way of saying YES to spreading Good Vibes.


Here are the jokes I’ve got from Text Message:

Joke #1:

May Mag syota na di nagkita ng 2 months, dn 1 day nagkta cla at ang unang tanong ng girl sa boy: “MAHAL MO PA BA AKO?”

D nakasagot ang boy pro ang gnawa nya, Knuha ng boy ung kmay ng girl saby itinapat sa kanyang dibdib. At dun napaiyak ang girl, kasi may BOOBS na pala ang Bruha.

Joke #2:

A man buys a lie detector robot that slaps people who lie. He decides to test it at dinner.

DAD: son, where were u today during school hours?

SON: at school *Robot slaps Son*

SON: ok i went to the movies

DAD: Which one?

SON: ToyStory *he slaps son again*

SON: ok, it was day with a pornstar

DAD: what. When i was ur age i didn't even know what porn was! *he slaps dad*

MOM: HAHA!After all he's ur son *he slaps mom*

Joke #3:
Horror Story...
Ipinanganak sa 1 tagong baryo ang sanggol na may nakakakilabot na katangian.Bawat pangalang masabi n2 namamatay.Takot ang mag-asawa na matawag cla na inay at itay..1 araw nasabi ng sanggol ang slitang INAY agad itong namatay.Sa bawat araw na lumipas ikinatatakot ng ama na siya naman ang mabanggit.Ngunit nagsalita ang sanggol, ITAY at..namatay ang KUMPARE nya...

Here are the jokes I’ve got from Facebook posts:

Joke #1:
Naniniwala na ako sa HIMALA, akalin mo, buhay pa rin ako kahit nasa sayo ang PUSO ko.

Joke #2:
Gwapo: Hey miss? May boyfriend ka ba?
Girl: (*kinilig, nag-blush*) Hmm, wala. Bakit?
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Gwapo: Ahay! buti pa aketch meron!

Joke #3:
2 guys texting:

boy1: dude what does "idk" mean?
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boy2: "i dont know"
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boy 1: ommgg! NO ONE KNOWS!!

From Mix sources (forums, tweets, etc.)

Joke #1:

BOY : Ganda ng lips mo ..
GIRL : Thanks ..

BOY : Ganda ng Eyes mo ..
GIRL : Thanks :”>

BOY : Ganda ng Face mo ..
GIRL : Of Course! :”>

BOY : Lahat maganda sayo ..
GIRL : I know right? >

BOY : Buti ka pa ipinanganak na Good Looking samantalang ako ..
SINUNGALING !!!!

Joke #2:

The Setting:
Pageant Night Ms. Universe Beauty Pageant Q&A Portion.

The Finalists:
Miss America
Miss Spain
Miss Great Britain
Miss Iran
Miss India
Miss Philippines

Question: Ms. America, how do you describe a male organ in your country?
Ms. America: Well, I would say that, male organs in America are like gentlemen.
Q: Why do you say that?
Ms. America: Because it stands everytime it sees a woman.
(Applause..Applause)

Q: Ms. Spain, how do you describe a male organ in your country?
Ms. Spain: Male organs in our country are like toros in our very own bullfight.
Q: Why do you say that?
Ms. Spain: Because it charges everytime it sees an opening.
(Applause..Applause)

Q: Ms. Great Britain, how would you describe a male organ in your country?
Ms. Great Britain: Male organs in our country are like Shakespearean actors.
Q: Why do you say that?
Ms. Great Britain: Because it cries after every performance.
(Applause..Applause)

Q: Ms. Iran, how would you describe a male organ in you country?
Ms. Iran: Well, I can say that male organs in our country are like thieves.
Q: Why? Ms. Iran: Because they always enter thru the back door.
(Applause..Applause)

Q: Ms. India, how would you describe a male organ in your country?
Ms. India: A male organ in our country is like a laborer.
Q: Why do you say that?
Ms. India: Because it works day and night.
(Applause..Applause)

Q: Ms. Philippines, how would you describe a male organ in your country?
Ms. Philippines: Ahh..well, opcors, hi,hi,hi…I can say dat male organs in our country are like chismis!
Q: Chismis?
Ms. Philippines: Ayy sorry!!..It’s ano.. Kuwan… It means GOSSIP in our language.
Q: Hmm.. Interesting comparison.. And why do you say that?
Ms. Philippines: Ayy..diyahe!! Hihihi, Kasi… I mean… Because…it passes from mouth to mouth.
(STANDING OVATION)

Joke #3:

Bush: What are the pollutants in your country?

Jingoy: We have lots of pollutants.. ..we have sisig, kilawin, chicharon, mani
Erap: Anak, may nakalimutan ka, Boy Bawang (cornik).

Joke #4:

Beauty contest

Emcee: What’s the big problem facing the country today?
Contestant: Drugs
Emcee: Very good, why do you say that?
Contestant: Ang mahal kasi eh!

Joke #5:

Tindero: Hoy, bili ka gatas ng baka. P10 piso lang isang baso
Manong: Ang mahal naman, may tig piso lang ba nyan?

Tindero: Meron Po, pero kayo na Po ang dumede as baka.

All I can say is:

Hahahahahha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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